Friday, April 08, 2005
Excerpts From a 13-Year-Old
"[1.7.01] This is the first entry of my thought journal, whenever I think of something I want to remember, I'll put it in here. Grandia II is very depressing. For some reason, the way the world was doomed seemed to relate with me somehow. Though I knew that in the game actually it wasn't, just the way everything turned out terribly. I don't really like my life. I mean, it's enjoyable, but not full. I feel as though everyone else is on this huge secret and I'm not. Besides that, actually it's not that bad. everyone says I'm a loser because I have so few friends, but actually it's okay. I don't need that many. I can always converse with myself like this. Even though people do fun things with their friends, I'm not missing out. I can do plenty of "loserish" things that satisfy me just as well. The one thing I do miss out on is conversation. Not the stupid kind that has no meaning, But intelligent conversation. Like the one me and David (family friend) had. The conversation itself excited me and made me think. When we combined our ideas together we came up with good conclusions.
That would be a nice quality in a girlfriend. Someone I can just talk to and not have to get sexual. talking is probably my favorite hobby because I can express my ideas and take in others to modify my own. I consider it a hobby because I enjoy it and it is fundamental inmaking up for my lack of other hobbies.
[1.8.01] Relationships are weird. They can increase or decrease your social status. I can't believe the way Emma treats them, she can be friends with people just for the social benefits. She said that if she weren't friends with ___, the whole grade would be screwed up. That's just selfish. She thinks it revolves around her.
As a thirteen year old kid, my mind is not fully expanded. Yet, I cannot imagine myself any wiser. All I have left to learn is experience, and that doesn't make me any more susceptible to additional information.
When I think of the year I think of a circle, and twelve sections on it, each with notches to signify the days of the month. When someone tells me a date, inside my mind I form a picture of the circle and zoom into that day.
I don't like what my mom said about art. I don't think credit should be given to those who don't deserve it. When people have their praintings praised, it should be for what people meant. Also, those picasso art types, they're not very artful. A baby could make them easily by just gluing random pieces of paper together. If the artist can explain the painting and have it match people's ideas, that is art.
The way people treat me is different, either now they respect me, or are making fun of my by pretending to. I have excuses back up if the bad truth comes out. But for now, I can use this advanced social status to my benefit. This seems pretty cold, but my solo life is getting boring. The idea of having girls think of me in that way is exciting, it's been a while since I was last flirted with.
[1.9.01] Time is a strange thing. I have thought about time travel and how it works but I have come to the conclusino that if you want to go to either the future or past, you can never return. The only way for you to go to the future is if you stay there because by returning you will change what is to come, so therefore you would not have gone to the future at all. Only a may happen, not a will happen. and by going into the past your whole life is erased, as well as your present. In that way, you become a watcher. If you change the past it will not effect you because you do not exist. By returning to a changed present you are not actually returning to your own, but a totally different one, and you are no longer in the time cycle. A way to return to the present from the future would be calling it going to the past. But in that way that future which had become your present is erased, so there is no guarantee it will happen at all. Another thought is that going into the past is impossible because it is like returning to the present from the future, everything from your time to that day in the past is erased.
Many people say they love each other when they go out, but a couple months later, they're broken up and they don't love each other anymore. That isn't love. And love isn't obsession. Love is when there is a person that when you think about makes you feel good inside, someone with whom you can confide everything to and usually don't need to because ther person, if they love you, can understand you well enough just by your eyes. Love is also a two person thing. If one person "love" someone, but that person hates them, that is not love, it is more like obsession. Love is also when neither person could possibly be angry at the other, love i most importantly when you can just sit with someone and admire, without words. Also when someone can't say it as easly as the next, it is a good thing. It means that they want to know for sure that that person is the one. You can only love one person in your life time, and by saying it to the wrong person you are lying. That's why if someone says it to everyone, they mihgt not ever know true love.
[1.12.01] If believe that there is a third number system, reasons behind this are because something must lead to negative numbers when squared, or in turn, they are imaginary. Also, since graphs are oriented in two dimersions, this third would allow us to have a three dimensional graph. It could be the z, actually, it probably wouldn't because graphs aren't organized in as negative and positive numbers, they are two positives. Maybe my number system would be within zero. They would then make a graph three dimensional. The problem is, I cannot comprehend numbers within zero. Maybe there should be no zero. It is just emptiness, why should there be any space between negative and positive, shouldn't there be something there?"
[4.8.05] I don't know what to think...
That would be a nice quality in a girlfriend. Someone I can just talk to and not have to get sexual. talking is probably my favorite hobby because I can express my ideas and take in others to modify my own. I consider it a hobby because I enjoy it and it is fundamental inmaking up for my lack of other hobbies.
[1.8.01] Relationships are weird. They can increase or decrease your social status. I can't believe the way Emma treats them, she can be friends with people just for the social benefits. She said that if she weren't friends with ___, the whole grade would be screwed up. That's just selfish. She thinks it revolves around her.
As a thirteen year old kid, my mind is not fully expanded. Yet, I cannot imagine myself any wiser. All I have left to learn is experience, and that doesn't make me any more susceptible to additional information.
When I think of the year I think of a circle, and twelve sections on it, each with notches to signify the days of the month. When someone tells me a date, inside my mind I form a picture of the circle and zoom into that day.
I don't like what my mom said about art. I don't think credit should be given to those who don't deserve it. When people have their praintings praised, it should be for what people meant. Also, those picasso art types, they're not very artful. A baby could make them easily by just gluing random pieces of paper together. If the artist can explain the painting and have it match people's ideas, that is art.
The way people treat me is different, either now they respect me, or are making fun of my by pretending to. I have excuses back up if the bad truth comes out. But for now, I can use this advanced social status to my benefit. This seems pretty cold, but my solo life is getting boring. The idea of having girls think of me in that way is exciting, it's been a while since I was last flirted with.
[1.9.01] Time is a strange thing. I have thought about time travel and how it works but I have come to the conclusino that if you want to go to either the future or past, you can never return. The only way for you to go to the future is if you stay there because by returning you will change what is to come, so therefore you would not have gone to the future at all. Only a may happen, not a will happen. and by going into the past your whole life is erased, as well as your present. In that way, you become a watcher. If you change the past it will not effect you because you do not exist. By returning to a changed present you are not actually returning to your own, but a totally different one, and you are no longer in the time cycle. A way to return to the present from the future would be calling it going to the past. But in that way that future which had become your present is erased, so there is no guarantee it will happen at all. Another thought is that going into the past is impossible because it is like returning to the present from the future, everything from your time to that day in the past is erased.
Many people say they love each other when they go out, but a couple months later, they're broken up and they don't love each other anymore. That isn't love. And love isn't obsession. Love is when there is a person that when you think about makes you feel good inside, someone with whom you can confide everything to and usually don't need to because ther person, if they love you, can understand you well enough just by your eyes. Love is also a two person thing. If one person "love" someone, but that person hates them, that is not love, it is more like obsession. Love is also when neither person could possibly be angry at the other, love i most importantly when you can just sit with someone and admire, without words. Also when someone can't say it as easly as the next, it is a good thing. It means that they want to know for sure that that person is the one. You can only love one person in your life time, and by saying it to the wrong person you are lying. That's why if someone says it to everyone, they mihgt not ever know true love.
[1.12.01] If believe that there is a third number system, reasons behind this are because something must lead to negative numbers when squared, or in turn, they are imaginary. Also, since graphs are oriented in two dimersions, this third would allow us to have a three dimensional graph. It could be the z, actually, it probably wouldn't because graphs aren't organized in as negative and positive numbers, they are two positives. Maybe my number system would be within zero. They would then make a graph three dimensional. The problem is, I cannot comprehend numbers within zero. Maybe there should be no zero. It is just emptiness, why should there be any space between negative and positive, shouldn't there be something there?"
[4.8.05] I don't know what to think...
