Thursday, March 23, 2006
My Favorite Short Story Piece... Ever
“Oh Lord, I’m bored.”
“What is it my son? Are you not satisfied?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, the place is great, but… hmm… I don’t know.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve finished naming all the animals, what am I supposed to do now?”
“Tend to the garden.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s boring. What else is there to do around this joint?”
“I think I know what you’re getting at. I’ll get right on it.”
“Thank You, Lord.”
“My pleasure.”
The Old Man’s face was filled with warmth. His smile beamed eternal happiness and His brilliantly white beard was the source of all light. Adam was unable to look at God because of the shining hair and found that whenever he did, he would end up glowing most unpleasantly. The Old Man floated over gleefully to Adam and pointed up into the sky. Eager to receive his new gift, Adam followed God’s finger to a point in the sky and was disappointed to see nothing. While Adam was distracted, God picked up the biggest stone He could find nearby and brought it down on the beautiful man’s head. Adam fell to the ground with a thump, “Sorry my child, but I’ve run out of materials. You know, there’s only so much matter.”
God set to work opening Adam’s chest cavity. He was careful to keep Adam’s heart beating as He removed a rib out of which to fashion His new creation. As God was closing Adam up (with mud so as not to leave a scar), Adam died.
“Oh, fooey!” The young man’s death upset the lonely Old Man who needed someone to tend His garden for Him, so God breathed the breath of life into Adam and revived him. Adam slept for a day post-op as God manipulated the bone into a new person. This one, God also created in a young image of Himself, for God was a hermaphrodite. However, God did not know what to name His new creation, for He was no good with names. He decided to wake Adam and have him name it, so he brought the new being to the sleeping man and roused him.
“Boobies!” Adam’s eyes widened.
“Well, I don’t know if we can name her that.”
“Oh, You need a name for her.”
“Yes.”
“Voluptuous.”
“Too dirty.”
“Round.”
“Too obvious.”
“Concentric.”
“Too focused.”
“Betty Sue.”
“Too Southern.”
“Joe.”
“Too Northern”
“Boobies.”
“No.”
“Then her name can be Eve”
“Too… Wait, that’s perfect!”
“Penis!” Shouted the naked woman.
“Well, I never!”
The beautiful man and the beautiful woman clasped hands and ran off into the forest to frolic together naked. God smiled, knowing that He had done well. This would be the dawn of a new and wonderful era. Adam would never again be restless and the Garden of Eden would be as… fruitful… as God had always intended. He then returned to Heaven to rest, and over the next few weeks Adam and Eve busied themselves learning about each other’s bodies, but then one day they sought Him out once more.
“Oh Lord, we’re bored,” complained Adam
“What now?”
“We enjoy each other’s company, but we miss You,” added Eve.
“Eh,” the Old Man had just reached the crux of His book. “Tell you what, I’ll give you a new creation that will love you as much as I love you. Then you won’t miss Me,” God then created such a creature that would offer unhindered and never ending love. He couldn’t let Adam name it, for it was a gift, so in order to name this loving animal he decided to make an anagram of his own name. Only after rejecting Ogd, God accepted Dog has the new creature’s title. He gave Dog to the happy couple and they again frolicked while enjoying the loving company of Dog. The act of love on God’s part allowed him to return to his rest and kept the curious two busy.
God was content once more, knowing that He had done well. He returned to Heaven and rested once more. When the Old Man had finished His book, He sought out Adam and Eve so that they could dine together and catch up. When He found them they were frolicking as usual and dog was sleeping nearby. He invited them up to heaven for dinner but they declined, politely offering that they were too busy that evening. Infuriated, God returned to heaven and decided to get His revenge in another “act of love”. He created another being, this time one that would only demand love from Adam and Eve, and give nothing but disdain in return. Having to name once again, God just used an anagram of “act” and named the new animal Cat. He presented Cat to Adam and Eve, who were overjoyed to have another pet.
God smiled, knowing that he had indeed done well. From then on, when Adam and Eve decided they were too good for God, Cat put them in their place, and when they were in need of God’s love, Dog provided all that they could ever want.
“What is it my son? Are you not satisfied?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, the place is great, but… hmm… I don’t know.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve finished naming all the animals, what am I supposed to do now?”
“Tend to the garden.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s boring. What else is there to do around this joint?”
“I think I know what you’re getting at. I’ll get right on it.”
“Thank You, Lord.”
“My pleasure.”
The Old Man’s face was filled with warmth. His smile beamed eternal happiness and His brilliantly white beard was the source of all light. Adam was unable to look at God because of the shining hair and found that whenever he did, he would end up glowing most unpleasantly. The Old Man floated over gleefully to Adam and pointed up into the sky. Eager to receive his new gift, Adam followed God’s finger to a point in the sky and was disappointed to see nothing. While Adam was distracted, God picked up the biggest stone He could find nearby and brought it down on the beautiful man’s head. Adam fell to the ground with a thump, “Sorry my child, but I’ve run out of materials. You know, there’s only so much matter.”
God set to work opening Adam’s chest cavity. He was careful to keep Adam’s heart beating as He removed a rib out of which to fashion His new creation. As God was closing Adam up (with mud so as not to leave a scar), Adam died.
“Oh, fooey!” The young man’s death upset the lonely Old Man who needed someone to tend His garden for Him, so God breathed the breath of life into Adam and revived him. Adam slept for a day post-op as God manipulated the bone into a new person. This one, God also created in a young image of Himself, for God was a hermaphrodite. However, God did not know what to name His new creation, for He was no good with names. He decided to wake Adam and have him name it, so he brought the new being to the sleeping man and roused him.
“Boobies!” Adam’s eyes widened.
“Well, I don’t know if we can name her that.”
“Oh, You need a name for her.”
“Yes.”
“Voluptuous.”
“Too dirty.”
“Round.”
“Too obvious.”
“Concentric.”
“Too focused.”
“Betty Sue.”
“Too Southern.”
“Joe.”
“Too Northern”
“Boobies.”
“No.”
“Then her name can be Eve”
“Too… Wait, that’s perfect!”
“Penis!” Shouted the naked woman.
“Well, I never!”
The beautiful man and the beautiful woman clasped hands and ran off into the forest to frolic together naked. God smiled, knowing that He had done well. This would be the dawn of a new and wonderful era. Adam would never again be restless and the Garden of Eden would be as… fruitful… as God had always intended. He then returned to Heaven to rest, and over the next few weeks Adam and Eve busied themselves learning about each other’s bodies, but then one day they sought Him out once more.
“Oh Lord, we’re bored,” complained Adam
“What now?”
“We enjoy each other’s company, but we miss You,” added Eve.
“Eh,” the Old Man had just reached the crux of His book. “Tell you what, I’ll give you a new creation that will love you as much as I love you. Then you won’t miss Me,” God then created such a creature that would offer unhindered and never ending love. He couldn’t let Adam name it, for it was a gift, so in order to name this loving animal he decided to make an anagram of his own name. Only after rejecting Ogd, God accepted Dog has the new creature’s title. He gave Dog to the happy couple and they again frolicked while enjoying the loving company of Dog. The act of love on God’s part allowed him to return to his rest and kept the curious two busy.
God was content once more, knowing that He had done well. He returned to Heaven and rested once more. When the Old Man had finished His book, He sought out Adam and Eve so that they could dine together and catch up. When He found them they were frolicking as usual and dog was sleeping nearby. He invited them up to heaven for dinner but they declined, politely offering that they were too busy that evening. Infuriated, God returned to heaven and decided to get His revenge in another “act of love”. He created another being, this time one that would only demand love from Adam and Eve, and give nothing but disdain in return. Having to name once again, God just used an anagram of “act” and named the new animal Cat. He presented Cat to Adam and Eve, who were overjoyed to have another pet.
God smiled, knowing that he had indeed done well. From then on, when Adam and Eve decided they were too good for God, Cat put them in their place, and when they were in need of God’s love, Dog provided all that they could ever want.
