Lifeboat Ethics

Probably hopelessly plagiarized, however, as it was passed on to me, I don't know where from:

Taoism
Shit happen

Confucius say
"Shit happen."

Buddhism
If shit happens, it is not really shit.

Zen Buddhism
What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism
This shit happened before

Islam
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Protestantism
Let shit happen to someone else

Catholicism
If shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism
Why does shit always happen to us?